This summer has been filled with wonder and exhaustion, sadness and pure joy. I think beautiful disaster explains it quite well. A time of beauty among moments of upheaval. I have learned about my resilience to stressful situations, the ability to capture beauty in a day filled with sorrow, and to hold on to that beauty to keep going.
Where to even begin? The beginning of the summer started off splendidly, my conquering momma adventure was an overall success, there were a few setbacks, but all in all we had a wonderful time seeing the countryside and visiting with friends and family. As I was making my trek to my last stop a huge curve-ball was thrown my way. Two close family members were in the hospital in two different states at the same time and I felt like I had too many places I needed to be at once. I was surrounded by love of extended family as I was faced with the question of which family member to get to first. As I made my way to Maryland, I felt overwhelmed with helplessness. I imagine this is how a lot of people have felt when loved ones are ill. I felt helpless because I could do nothing to ease the pain of them and their loved ones around them, helpless that I couldn’t be in three places at once. Just helpless. How many people in this world have sat by a hospital bed just feeling helpless?
After the helpless feeling, came the exhaustion. The exhaustion of keeping it together for multiple family members, driving back and forth to the hospital, fighting with medical staff who were supposed to be helping, and exhaustion from maintaining communication between multiple people who were separated by 1,000 miles. I am not sure I have been that exhausted in a long time. I was having trouble making coherent sentences, getting small tasks done, and well just functioning. This time had taken a toll. The beauty of this kind of exhaustion is the sweet relief when it is over. When you can look back and think of it as a distant memory.
As I stood in reflection, I was mostly in awe of myself. I had made it through and that in itself was a feat. I had managed to comfort people in their time of need and had found a way to cope myself. This time had been a disaster, it was dark and despair crept in at several points, but I think it also had beautiful moments. Moments of growth, moments of learning who I was in a time of crisis, and moments of just letting it be. If I look back on life some of my biggest moments of personal growth have come at times of disaster or mess.
I have to say that keeping hope, praying, and knowing that God’s plan might not match my own gave me the strength to make it through and provided a sense of comfort to my beautiful disaster. I would love to say the disasters ended there for the summer, but no such luck. I was faced with a car accident no more than two weeks later, followed by a last-minute visit to sit with a family member in the ICU. This summer has taught me so much, but it has most importantly taught me to rely on God, to have hope, and to provide comfort where I can. It also taught me about myself and for that I am thankful.
If you are going through your own beautiful disaster, lean on each other, have faith, and realize you can only control certain things. I hope this helps anyone going through a tough time. If you want to leave words of encouragement in the comments for people going through their own battles; I think that would be amazing.
May peace be with you throughout the week from one conquering momma to another.