I have decided life is kind of like riding the waves. There are the low moments, where you are waiting for something exciting to happen. The water is still rippling off of you but there isn't a ton of momentum. You can see the the wave developing in the horizon, you are not sure when it will peak or how long you have until you need to be ready to catch the wave. Then you feel it and know it is coming, you prepare to ride the wave. The wave catches you and it is exhilarating you are on top of it, riding it as far as you can.
This last year has been a lot of sitting in the rippling water for me. I have tried to catch a few waves and I keep missing the big one. I ride a few small ones and can see the big one in the distance. I used to think that the only way I would find joy is to be riding on the big wave. This last year has taught me that I need to find joy in whatever moment I am in. Sure the excitement of the big wave is amazing, but am I stopping to really take it in and use that momentum of excitement to get me through the harder days.
I have not been this content with my life in years. Yes, I said years. I have been searching and searching, trying to regain the joy. I thought maybe I need to be doing this or that and I will be happy. Little did I know, I needed to embrace right where I was at and learn to find joy there. That does not mean I stop dreaming, stop striving to become the best version of me, but if I can be content with my life, right where it is at and find joy in the moments, then I can accomplish anything. I can be who I am meant to be. I can light the world on fire, I can bring kindness and joy to people around me.
When I am sitting in the water waiting for the big wave, I can stop and feel the ripples of the water as the ocean moves around me. I can feel joy at seeing my children light up while we are playing games or coloring a picture, instead of a mom who is barely there because the joy is just out of reach. I can strive for my goals from a place of desire, not desperation.
If you are struggling, don't give up. Your wave is coming! Don't fight the water you are in, but try to embrace where you are at and find peace and joy right here, right now. Learning how to appreciate the moment is one of the hardest things for me, but once I started living more in the now, instead of worrying about that big wave I was trying to catch, things started to fall in place. Does that mean I don't get sucked down by the undertow from time to time, no I still do, but it doesn't hold me down for nearly as long as it used to, and that is all I could ask for. More time feeling and less time worrying about how to catch that big wave.
Conquering Momma,
Charity