The power of being open and always looking to grow never seizes to amaze me. Day after day I aspire to figure my life out, I run in circles in my mind, driving myself and my poor husband half crazy. I come up with some off the wall ideas and sometimes he looks at me and is like seriously. I am not a risk taker, so I like to really think everything through, but then I start to overthink it, and I can overthink my way out of anything, and I mean anything. Frankly, my husband is one new idea away from saying “STOP, I CAN”T TAKE IT ANYMORE.” I can’t blame him, he has put up with a lot, I am exhausted with my mind, so I can only imagine what he is feeling.
I recently watched a video by Mel Robbins, and it struck me in just the right way. She was talking about how purpose and passion are separate things. She went on to define purpose as what you do for other people and passion is what you do for you to energize and grow. Perspective is one of the most insane things in life. It is all in how you look at things and perceive them. I have literally gone to months of therapy trying to figure out what is missing in my life, trying to figure out my life passion so that I can go pursue it. The problem was I was combining those two things and when I separate them it makes the choice so much easier. When separated my purpose for the last several years has been raising my family making sure all their needs are met. It is so much easier to look at this life of motherhood, the monotony of day in and day out of ensuring people have clean clothes, clean dishes, nutritious food to eat, and so many other tasks that I have had mostly dreaded doing. But, if I step back and say hey that is my purpose in this season to nurture and take care of the people I am in charge of and I can locate my passion elsewhere, it is huge. I want to cry tears of relief.
I have people tell me all time “being a mother is the most priceless job you could have” and while I agree it is very important, until I could define it as my purpose so that I could pursue my passion I would just feel guilt that this thing called motherhood didn’t fill me up like it was supposed to. I felt like less of a mom, less of a person, because why didn’t I feel like other moms that this was my life calling, my passion. I knew deep in my soul that it is the most important job of my life, but damn it why couldn’t I be lit on fire by it. If I had only viewed it as my purpose and not what was supposed to be fill me up, who I am supposed to be outside of it. I could have saved myself a lot of grief.
My passions are adventure, science, and being present in people's lives. I love traveling with my kids and pitching a tent to marvel at nature around us. I love floating down the river with a group of friends, engaging in their lives, and living off the sweet memories of our time together. I love science, it is marvelous and fascinating how everything works around us. I love connecting with people and hearing their life stories, their struggles and victories. These moments energize me and force me to grow, they are the sweet moments. I am now free to let my passions fuel me so that I can complete my purpose without feeling guilt.
