As women we are often told what roles we should fill, how we should look, and how we should act. Society lets us know exactly how much space we should take up and how much say we actually have. How many times in your life have you been told to just 'Be Youself'. I think back on my life and honestly can't remember one time that it was spoken to me to be myself. There have always been quiet unspoken rules on how I should live my life. I am not sure if it is reaching a certain age, or maybe it is another huge life change coming my way, but there has been a lot of introspection lately. I have been up and down through life the last few years, some months I am flying high and feel like I am finally on the right path; other times I am drudging through the swamp and can't seem to find the path if my life depended on it. The journey to truly being you means letting go of so much expectation.
I have big dreams with a practical mind, and those concepts are often at odds with each other. I have dreams of owning a horse ranch and holding space for people to heal, or leading women on an adventures that light a fire in their soul. Then the dream of becoming a nurse and living on a Mercy Ship throws her hat in the ring. Alas, the practical person in me kicks in and I am like no you need to work a small safe job, who are you to think that you could pull that off. I make my dreams smaller, less risky so that I will make it and fit into the world. I am tired of making myself small, yet I am so unsure of how to hold a bigger version of myself.
I think my goal this next year is to just be me. I am going to live my life in a way that brings me joy. I need to stop worrying about what other people think. I need to go on the adventures, I want to start guiding my life towards the scariest goal I can imagine. What is the worst that could happen, it doesn't work out.....But what if it does work out. What if I get to hold a version of this life where I get to be authentically me. Not the overachieving person who does it to seek validation that I am enough, not the person striving so hard for perfection that risks are not even in my repertoire. I have lived my life to such a high standard in hopes that people would say "my goodness, she is amazing" maybe then I would feel worthy of the space I take up. I can only say that I have lived that life, I have made decisions based on what others thought I should do. Don't get me wrong, I have had a fantastic life full of adventures. I have soaked in the sun on more mountaintops than I can recall. I have felt the awe of being somewhere foreign and thinking how big this world really is. You know what I haven't done though, thought to myself "be you, the world will adjust." I want to unapologetically be me. I want to live my life my way. I want the world to adjust to me and not me constantly adjusting myself for this world.
As we enter a new year we tend look back at the last year. Maybe it has been a great year for you, maybe it has not. I want you not to spend too much time looking back, look forward on how you will 'Be You' this year. How you will go after the goals that make your heart come alive. I want you to know that we can take up space in this world. We deserve to be here and the world needs us to be ourselves. There was a quote from Kamala Harris during the election cycle that she said "there are a whole lot of women out here... that ARE NOT ASPIRING TO BE HUMBLE...." I want to be one of those women, I have been humble my whole life, to the point of not existing so that the needs of others could be met. I think it does a disservice to the world if I continue to live that way. Humility can be a great quality, don't get me wrong, but when we ask the girls and women in our lives to humble themselves so much that they are no longer their authentic selves, then we rob them of a full life.
This next chapter of my life is going to be messy. I am going to allow myself to ask for what I want, try to figure out who this person is now, without the expectations that the world has put on me. I am going to be me and watch as the world adjusts. I hope that you can be you this next year. I hope we can create messy lives together. Because the world needs each and every one of our authentic selves.
Conquering Momma,
Charity
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