Have you ever had a whisper of a dream or a small tug at your heart that there was more that you were supposed to be doing? I have had that whisper in my soul for years. I felt this pull to work in the medical field, but could never pinpoint in what capacity. I ignored it, rationalized why I wouldn't be good at it, literally found every excuse I could not to pursue it because I feared I would fail.
I had doubts that this whisper was just that a far off dream that was not to become my reality. I tried reverting to my previous career as a veterinary technician only to be crushed to find out it was not who I was anymore. I remember the first week feeling deeply depressed that this work was no longer satisfying to me. I felt like I was trying to fit myself into a version of me that no longer existed. The quote, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." by Heraclitus was my reality. Now that I was facing my reality it would take several more years and attempts for me to break into the medical field.
I started my attempts by becoming an EMT, I had earned my certificate and was ready to bravely step into the scariest thing I could imagine, a new direction. Months turned into years of trying to land a job in a field where I had no experience and a location that offered few jobs. I had nearly given up trying to get in the medical field when I decided last December to keep at it. I spent night after night taking my continuing education classes to renew my EMT and had set goals that the new year was the year! I kept applying and kept getting rejected. Then one Sunday I received an email about a job that I might be interested in. The minute I read the post I thought this could be the job for me.
The next few weeks were filled with interviews and shadowing, the stakes were high. I wanted this job and knew that the disappointment that might follow me putting myself out there would be difficult to bounce back from. I was bracing for either way and it required discipline of using my coping strategies to keep it all in balance. All the years of waiting, of learning patience in my circumstances, learning that meditation and exercise kept me balanced, learning to be still in the moment no matter the chaos around me were going to be tested. Had I not had to learn these skills in the waiting period I would not have been ready when I actually needed them. I would not have known when I need to stop and go for a walk, or listen to affirmations when I am in need of a boost of confidence. I would not have known that when I start to feel off exercising is going to be my best friend. Things that took me years to learn in the valley of waiting. I can look back now in appreciation at that waiting period, but man living through it was not so easy.
Listening to the whisper and not giving up has provided me with my current opportunity. I am filled with joy, the other day as I was walking the halls I thought to myself, this is exactly where I am supposed to be. There are tough days, I am learning a whole new set of skills, but the reward of seeing the good in humanity has made the tough days manageable. On more than one occasion I have been filled with so much joy as I am going through my work day that I can hardly believe that I am this happy. I will say that I have landed at the most amazing company who cares about their employees, which I know makes a huge difference in the enjoyment of my job. I am grateful everyday for the waiting, the patience and perseverance to keep at it, I could have given up on this whisper a long time ago, but I did not.
I am still finding my way and the end goal of where I want to be is not set in stone, it is fluid. I do feel I am on the right path and that the longer I am on the path the clearer the future direction will become. For today, I am grateful beyond words that I did not give up, that I have this opportunity, that I kept listening to the whisper and acted. You have to believe in yourself, you know your heart and the whispers are yours alone. Your spouse, family, or friends may not understand your whisper, they may even whisper in your ear what they think you should do or be. In the end you know the direction you are supposed to be headed and listening to others when it contradicts what you think you should be doing only makes trying to find your way more difficult and causes internal strife. We want to make others' proud, we may want to please our family, but in the end it is ultimately your life and the decisions you make effect you. If you are living a life you don't like to please others that is of no benefit to you.
We often push down what we think is unobtainable to protect ourselves, but in reality pushing it down just robs us of the most amazing life that could be waiting on the other side of the fear. I urge each of you to listen to the whispers of your soul, act in accordance so that you can lead a life that is so amazing that you can hardly believe it. There will be hurdles, bumps in the road, but remember that you are worth it and that you deserve to live a beautiful life.
Conquering Momma,
Charity